By Chandler Jones
If you are considering reentering the dating scene after a divorce, there are a few things you should keep in mind. A divorce can be a traumatic experience for anyone, and immediately jumping back into the dating scene may be something that many divorcees are not ready to handle.
You are the only one who can make the decision as to when to start dating again. Here are some things you might want to consider that may help you with that first date:
1. Are you ready to start dating again? You have to take stock of your emotions and consider what you are looking for as a re-entrant into the single’s scene. Some people may find that reentering the dating scene immediately to be cathartic, but I suspect that most will want to give it some time before once again taking the plunge.
Are you feeling lonely and wish to fill the void left by your divorce? Do you know exactly what you want out of a new relationship? If you have a clear handle on your feelings, you will probably find it easier to make wise decisions in looking for a new relationship.
2. How confident are you feeling? How good do you feel about starting a new dating relationship? Just getting through a divorce is rough for a lot of people. You may need some time to ready yourself for dealing with others on an emotional level.
Your self-confidence may be at a somewhat fragile state after a divorce. An important question to ask yourself is if you are ready yet for any letdown or rejection during your new foray into the dating arena.
3. What kind of dating partner are you looking for? Your first impulse may be to look for somebody who is the exact opposite of your former spouse. While this desire may be natural, it is not always necessarily the best idea.
After all, you were attracted to your ex-spouse for certain reasons. Just because a marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean that the emotions you felt and the things that attracted you to your ex-spouse were not valid. You should judge and accept people for who they are as individuals, not who they might remind you of.
4. Be prepared for disappointments and letdowns. It may be hard to avoid comparing the one you date to your former spouse. It will make it even harder if that person does some of the same things that drove you crazy about your ex. After all, the other person will not even be aware that they are doing something that might remind you of your former spouse.
Everybody’s view of life will be quite different from your own. Try not to project your own impressions on their behavior or allow your ex-spouse to color your judgment of others. It will be hard for another person to overcome the demons of your former relationship if you fail to give them a chance.
Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured to rush things after your divorce, but at the same time don’t be afraid to reenter the dating scene. It is important to know who you are and to have the confidence that comes from being comfortable with yourself when it comes to dating. Trust your instincts and your ability to make the right choices and the odds are that, as you begin your new life of dating after divorce, you will thrive!
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