Relationships are complicated, especially as time passes. For example, you may think it’s done and over, yet after some time, you realize you want them back. Now what? Here is a number of steps that will help you win your ex-lover back. You can’t help but have relationship regrets but you can do something about it.
Whether you were the one who broke it off or not, begging your ex to come back or take you back will not work. Firstly, it appears desperate, as if you can’t be independent. Secondly, you don’t want to make a decision fueled with passion. You want to have the emotional momentum going in your favor. That won’t happen if you come across as needy.
Share a Vision
You don’t want to bend over backwards for your ex and they shouldn’t have to cater to all of your whims. A relationship is based on a shared vision. It’s not about their dreams or your wishes. It’s about building a bond together, a shared life. Therefore, be sure that both of you are prepared to be a team.
Talk in Person
Lovers of past decades met in person or wrote letters when apart. Today’s partners can Skype, text, send Facebook private messages, etc. However, the best way to communicate with your lover is in person. Don’t have a major conversation or one filled with emotion through texts. Texts can’t account for the sound of sincerity or the look in a person’s eyes. If you want them back, you’ll have to communicate with them the old fashioned way.
Discuss the Negatives
If you want them back, you’ll want to tell her how much you love and need her. However, if you both loved and needed each other, you would not have parted in the first place. You’ll have to discuss and resolve any negative issues that are standing. It may be awkward, but you’ll need to show her the connection has what it takes to get through hard times.
Don’t Play Games
You may have played mind games before, but now is not the time. Don’t attempt to make your ex pity you or feel guilted into coming back. You’ll have to put it all on the line and be sincere with your feelings. Now’s the time to swallow your pride and allow your ex to see that you can be vulnerable. To win your ex girlfriend back, you must be forthright.
Don’t Be Friends
You may think that you can buy time or hide your full feelings by becoming friends with your ex. However, you don’t want to get caught in the friend zone. Don’t assume you can get her back by becoming her ‘girlfriend.’ Intimate feelings are different and you’ll need to flame her desires, not be her shopping buddy. Besides, you need to be honest, and being just friends is not what you really want.
You want her back. However, just as a child denied a second helping of candy, you realize you can’t always get what you want. In a worser scenario, she may be dating or ‘talking’ to someone else. Rather than panic or grow angry, you’ll need to understand things from her perspective. However, don’t let her current relationships stand in your way of telling her how you feel.
Choose Your Words
Lovers have passionate connections. It’s known that passion can blind rational thinking, the kind of thought needed to communicate, resolve arguments, etc. Choose your words wisely rather than blurt out whatever comes to mind. Articulate your passion and let her know exactly why you want her back for good.
You may need to own up to wrongdoings or nasty things that you’ve said. Be prepared to discuss prior events and take responsibility for your actions. Your ex girlfriend will appreciate your awareness and your want to make things right. On the other hand, don’t be pushy or expect her to apologize or own up for her mistakes. You can only control yourself.
You can rekindle the relationship but don’t expect to pick up where you left off. Most people need time after a breakup and get paranoid about trusting the other person again. Therefore, be patient and focus on appreciating time together rather than comparing then and now. Get back to a good place and concentrate on being partners. You may find starting fresh is better than trying to continue a past mistake.
Olivia Leonard is the agony aunt among her friends. Working as a relationship therapist she does have the upper hand on what to do when relationships fail and whether it’s right or wrong to get ‘the one’ back.