Arguments are part of a normal relationship. In fact, arguing over things is a healthy sign. Couples who don’t argue are not good at resolving conflicts, so resentments often build up beneath the surface. This is not good. The more resentment and anger you harbor, the more likely it is that the relationship will suffer a blow you can’t recover from. So how can you restore harmony after a particularly nasty and vicious argument? Let’s find out.
All couples bicker over little things, such as who forgot to put the trash out or why your other half squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube. This type of argument is rarely anything serious. At most, one of you will sulk for a bit, but by the time you hit the sack, everything is just peachy once again.
However, some arguments stem from deep-seated issues simmering below the surface. This type of argument is far more toxic, and unless you work at restoring the harmony in your relationship, you could be in trouble.
The most important thing you can do after a toxic argument is to reopen the lines of communication. Don’t sulk and refuse to talk to your other half, even if you think they are at fault. Now is the time to hone your conflict resolution skills. Firstly, accept that you at least 50% to blame for what’s happened. No matter what your other half has (allegedly) done, you are equally at fault for letting the issue descend into a screaming match where things were said and done you both regret.
The only way to move past this is to accept liability and agree that you are both very sorry. Remember how your mama always said, “don’t go to sleep on an argument?” Well, guess what, she was right.
Stonewalling causes huge problems. Talking in a sensible, rational way is the best way to resolve the issue. Tell your partner in measured tones that they have hurt you, but you understand that they didn’t mean the nasty things they said and nor did you. Remind them you love them dearly and you want to make things right.
Identify the Issue
Once you are talking again, have a frank discussion about what happened and how you can prevent the same issue from coming back to bite you again. For example, if you argued over your partner’s lack of help around the house, be clear about what you need to them to do and why, and agree not to criticize their efforts when they do help out.
Plan a Date Night
Now that you’ve had a calm discussion, it is a good idea to plan something nice for the two of you to do. It is an opportunity for you to reconnect on an emotional level. Plan an activity that you will enjoy, such as going to the theater (look online for ticket sales at a theater near you). Alternatively, book a romantic night away in a hotel so you can be alone.
Relationships are hard work, but with the right attitude and plenty of love, you can restore the harmony.