If you are like us – and we like to think we relatively normal in that not normal way – then you will no doubt have a plethora of memories where you got told you are an adult now. You get told it when you’re first left home alone, then again when you start learning to drive, and at 18, and then when you head to college, and again at 21 and then four years later when you really should feel like an adult but don’t.
The thing is, each time you move through these stages in life and get informed, ”this time you really are an adult,” it tends to be because there is a lesson to learn, which is basically a gentle way of saying, “sorry, kid, but life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
You knew this already, though. You saw the films Big and 13 Going On 30, so you had some idea that the adult world was going to be all rainbows and unicorns made out of chocolate milk. We’re not trying to say that stepping into adulthood is like stepping into hell because it isn’t. You can stay up as late as you want, replace your bed with a trampoline, turn your kitchen into a ball pit and eat leftover pizza topped with squirty cream if you so wish. The problem is, no one really gives you any warning that this novelty will eventually wear off, which sucks.
So, in a bid to address this mother of all issues, we have dug deep into the recesses of our subconscious in order to pull together a list of life lessons that will help you better prepare for adulthood. Some are harsh, some are helpful, some are scary, and some are okayish. But all of them are vital to your survival. That’s a promise.
When Sugar Pulls A Prank, It Plays The Long Game
Since the moment you could listen, you have known that candy, sugary drinks, cake, Twinkies and processed foods of every kind are bad for you. Yet, it is only when you become an adult past the age of twenty-five do you realise that all those forewarnings from your doctor, your dentist and your mom were actually real. They weren’t just trying to scare you. All that noise about fillings and sugar comedowns and getting fat and whatever else, it was all true. Of course, complaining about this is hard because they had warned you (just not in a stern enough voice). The problem is, they never warned you about your metabolism and that it will not just hit rock bottom, it will find some way to dig even deeper. The problem is, you’ve already committed. You’re addicted to sugar and you aren’t going to be able to say no now, which is why you need to exercise regularly and eat healthier at meal times. There. We said it.
Shopping For Anything Is Impossibly Hard
Let’s start with grocery shopping. It is a nightmare. Up to the point where you left home, choosing groceries required you opening the fridge and taking your pick. But now you have to go into a grocery store, wow, there are just so many choices. The good news is, you will get used to it. You’ll learn what you love and you’ll learn to stick to it. Until then, though, good luck. Of course, that is just one area of shopping. There’s a choice to do battle with on every front, which is why you need to make Simply Best Of part of your daily routine, add it to your favourites and subscribe to their updates. It is the only way you are going to make any sense of the choice and know which basketball shoes to buy, which robot vacuum is best for your apartment, what luggage will keep your possessions in one piece, and which tooth whitening kits actually work. These are all shopping decisions you will have to make at some point in your adult career, so you best start learning how to decipher the shopping code as soon as possible.
Love Is More Confusing Than The Enigma Code
Falling in love is probably the only thing that is more confusing than grocery shopping. But only just. This comes as a total shock, though. When you are growing up you are led astray by Disney films where your one true love comes to your castle to find you and your parents tell you how they met at some Tiki bar and fell in love at first sight, in which both scenarios make falling love sound so easy and natural. Well, it ain’t. You’ll meet someone and start to really like them, and then you’ll tell your friends and they will start making you feel like you should be in love by now because you have been dating them for six weeks. So then you say the words. But then you start to question yourself and panic that you have made a mistake or put your trust in the wrong person and your head literally explodes like someone squeezing one end of a packet of Skittles too tightly. That’s just one side of the coin too. You then have to do battle with falling out of love. Oh, now that is confusing. You found someone you loved, that you could breathe without, only to wake up one day and realise that the spark has vanished. It’ll hit you like a mackerel to the face. It will be okay, though. You will get over it or learn to live with the pain, and you will find a way to fill the time you used to spend with them. Bowling. Sewing. Stalking their Insta. Here is the real kicker, though, you may even find love again or, as Cher said, life after love. Imagine that.
You Don’t Hit 28 And Suddenly Know What You Want To Do
It doesn’t happen at 29, 30, 38 or 50 either. It is a super tough pill to swallow but swallow it you must. The reason it is so tough to swallow is, when you were a kid, it seemed like every adult you ever came across knew exactly what they were doing. They made it look as if they had it all figured out, at least in terms of their career. They were doctors and nurses and teachers and scientists and astronauts and writers and baristas; they had chosen a career and they stuck with it. It all seems so simple. Then comes your turn to be an adult and you suddenly realise that it is nowhere near simple. In fact, out you and your 1,231 Facebook friends, only 12 of them knew what they wanted to do after college. However, most people just send their resumes out to every job going in that city they want to live in and accept whatever the first one is, toiling away in because “it pays the bills”. Sure, one day you may find out what you want to do with your life, but by then you are six years away from retiring and your best years are arguably behind you. It is oh so cruel. Now that you know this, you need to know that you have two choices. Either you can try and figure out what you want to do and actively chase it with all your might and main, or you can make peace with the fact you will do a job you have zero interest in and spend the rest of your life battling your conscious as you try to live with your decision, which is one of the toughest things you will come across as an adult.
Friendships Become Way Harder Than They Should
As soon as you start kindergarten, nursery or school you are propelled into the existence where a huge amount of emphasis is placed on making friends. Friends, friends, social skills, networking, friends, blah. But when you are at school and college and whatnot, making friends is super easy, as is keeping them. You see them every day in class and play with them at recess and live with them in dorms. But then you leave that false world behind and you suddenly realise that keeping these friends is like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube. You have to make a real effort, commit to plans and meet them halfway on things. It is totally foreign soil. Even in this day and age where everything is connected and communication is easier than ever before, your friend-seeing ability starts to fall away. Oh, and this gets worse. Your friends start to become the people that work in the cubicle next to you and your bond is built on the fact you both loathe your boss. And then comes the matter of family. That isn’t to say it is all doom and gloom because some pretty cool chemical reactions start to place. You start to enjoy that alone time you’ve been afforded, you build your own opinions on the world and politics and you suddenly realise that having one friend that totally gets you is way better than having loads of friends who think your name is Beth when it isn’t.