Wedding is a big step in one’s life – it’s not just about you or your partner but what comes with the unison of the two. Err… don’t mean to scare you already. But, your wedding is a ‘special day’ and it is called so for a reason. You would be leaving behind your bachelor/ bachelorette life and starting anew with someone, and it also happens to be one of the top reasons why many to-be-weds get cold feet. Well, it does seem convincing especially in today’s time and age when people are more open to choices and are easily getting over something they no longer like, for a better option. This very convention makes it all the more difficult to accept the idea of having to live with someone forever.
If you’re reading this article, it’s very likely that you too are sort of panicky about your big day. But, know that feeling jittery about your upcoming wedding is quite normal and there are many out there experiencing the same like you. So, before we dive further into this topic, rest assured that you are not alone!
What exactly is cold feet? ‘Cold feet’ is seen as a reaction to stress caused before or during one’s wedding. In order to deal with it, you’ll first need to assess the symptoms and then proceed from there, accordingly. It could appear in several ways and can be distinguished mainly into two types –
(1) Normal: In a normal cold feet you would find the person panicking or stressing about the event, arrangements, looks, fearful about the life transition, etc. The person is usually cranky and has some major mood swings. A normal cold feet is about simpler worries such leaving your singlehood for good, starting a new life or even suddenly realizing that you’re actually getting married. It is not about your partner or the relationship. You still very much love them.
In such a case, firstly, ask yourself or the person to take a deep breath and calm down. Now, think over and try to place what it is that’s actually bothering you. If it is any one of the reasons mentioned above, sit back and take a moment to recall all the good times you’ve had with your partner. How does it make you feel? Keep visualising on how your life is about to change for the better, how the two of you are heading for a promising future and no matter what you will have an exclusive support by your side for the rest of your life. If, by now, you feel better and ready to take on the big day, that’s awesome – get set to enjoy your day and make it a memory you’ll always look back to with a big smile. On a lighter note, trying playing fun games – may be chat over rummy card games with a bunch of friends, or simply dance all your fears away.
If the jittery feeling still persists, try talking to a close friend and see what comes out of it. They might be able to help you with a solution or ease it all up for you, at the least.
(2) The Real: An actual cold feet is about real problems. It involves more serious issues such as having very different perspectives of life, career issues, finances, constant quarrels, any kind of abuse in the relationship, etc. In such cases the person is usually doubtful about the relationship itself. These problems are genuine and need immediate attention as they only tend to worsen with time.
If you think talking it out with your partner would make the situation better, do so already because free flow of communication is crucial between the partners, more so if you are to spend lives together. Or, you could discuss with your family or friends who could help you decide what to do next. If required, you shouldn’t refrain from taking any professional help – there are couples that go for pre-marriage counseling. Do not underestimate it. It could actually help both the partners get a better perspective at the relationship and make things better. Whichever approach you take to deal with it, just do not procrastinate because these issues keep coming back if not addressed properly on time.
In any case, it does make sense to go for a counselling before taking the big leap as this will help keep all those jitters at bay or give you a happy life, at best.