If you are going through a messy divorce and the pain is too much, just relax and be confident that all will come to pass. The hurt, anger, resentment, and depression, as well as all that stress and emotional breakdown, will come to pass. Even the legal and financial overwhelm that’s threatening to tear you apart will not last, and eventually, you will emerge a victor!
There’s no cure for a shattered heart, the betrayal and the love lost. However, when you choose to cope with it well essentially by adopting some methods, mantras, and attitudes, your broken heart will heal sooner.
Here are seven tips to help you handle the devastating emotional trauma as a result of a divorce:
1. Mourn! Mourn like you’ve lost a loved one!
Separation means your relationship has hit a dead end and nothing else will resuscitate it anymore. And, there’s no point of acting brave perhaps to show everyone that you are not hurt when deep inside, you are hurting like hell.
Mourn the death of your marriage and all the hearty moments you shared. Cry, wail loudly and let all the tears flow away with the emotional attachment and the investment of love you had in it. Let them flow freely until you feel perfectly okay that the pain has subsided.
You can ask for a week off in your workplace and stay indoors, mourning. Or, you may find the company of your best friend to mourn with. Remember, it is necessary and natural to shed every bit of hurt you have in your heart.
This will help you start life anew, meet better people, and make more pleasant memories. If you don’t mourn adequately, the dilemma may come back to haunt you, months or years after it.
2. Do not blame yourself!
The aftermath of your separation is a moment of endless self-blame and ‘what ifs’ that you will not answer. And in the middle of the emotional rollercoaster, you might feel as though you didn’t give your fullest support and the relationship’s end was because of you.
Divorce happened because it was the best course of action for you. It has happened perhaps because the pain was too much and you needed to cut yourself some slack. Right now, there’s no reverse button about it and heaping the entire blame on yourself will not solve anything.
It’s not your fault that you divorced. Well, to be honest – even the other party had a role to play and apparently didn’t! So, don’t start blaming yourself; don’t feel like a loser.
3. You owe no one a full explanation – move on!
When the news finally breaks that you were divorced, some nosey bogeys will want to find out what exactly happened and why you couldn’t reconcile. You’ll not stop all those calls, texts and emails from them.
Some people will have a genuine concern, probably eager to help you. But a vast majority will want to add some flavor to the story and re-tell it, teasing you in the mix. And so, the only people who deserve to get the truth from you are members of your immediate family, your close friends and perhaps your counselor. Also, as KM Family Law says, if you have an attorney handling the whole issue, be sure to divulge every piece of information about it.
However, do not feel entitled to explain everything to everyone out there. Instead, tactfully leave your answers short and closed so that you don’t feel hurt by their sentiments. Remember, how you answer their questions determines whether your story becomes the next soap opera in the neighborhood or not.
4. Stay away from a pity party
They say ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’ and no perfect scenario would sum up its real meaning than during a divorce period. By surrounding yourself with good friends, the anguish in the wake of separation will not shake you.
You only need a handful of real, genuine friends and your day ends well. It’s possible for some other friends to pander too much. Those who will offer a shoulder to lean on, positive words of advice and genuine concern are worth staying with.
If you get a clique that sees getting drunk and cursing at night as the perfect way of getting over separation, run away! A pity party is highly discouraged. They will be there, not to show genuine care, but perhaps document your misery and later laugh behind your back.
5. Keep your kids out of it
I know; it’s tempting to tell your little girl why her dad is leaving and how things are going to change. But it’s not a good move yet, probably until the entire issue has been settled.
It’s not a good idea to divulge the details before the matter is settled and you feel at peace. If you involve the kid in your issues, the emotional effect may affect him or her in a way that will probably have disastrous consequences to his or her peace, self-esteem, and wellness.
It might feel challenging to cry alone in your room while the kids are probably wondering what could be happening. They will inquire why mom or dad isn’t coming anymore. However, be brave and console yourself that the decision you are taking is for the general good of you and the kids.
6. Take great care of yourself
If you don’t watch out, the stress and emotional breakdown emanating from a divorce will take a toll on your health and general wellness. However, if you eat healthily, stay fit, and live life as if you’ve just left heavy baggage – trust me, the recovery period will be shorter than you think.
So, in the midst of the divorce period, treat yourself right. Go for a movie, a weekend road trip or even a vacation away from home. Take a breather and stay away from the toxic atmosphere around you. By the end of it all, you will feel better and ready to face life again.
7. Most Importantly, Be Positive
Divorce is like a tormenting hurricane. Be hopeful that everything will happen beyond your control, but in the end, you will be okay. Remain hopeful and look at it from a positive perspective. Many have gone through it before, and they are now fine.
Some of the thing you should do include finding new interests, doing something new and changing for the better. Be as flexible as possible and let anything that steals your joy go.
Going through a moment of separation can be a stressful and emotionally draining moment, no matter the reason. Such a profound, life-changing experience comes with its fair share of pain and confusion, sometimes even flipping the victim’s life upside down. But as anyone who has been through this torrid period would say, when it ends, you will emerge a better person.