Preparing for parenthood isn’t easy. There seem to be so many variables to think about and so many aspects to consider, not least how it’s going to affect your relationship with your partner. If you’re thinking of taking the plunge and having a baby, you probably have a lot of questions. In this blog we’ll take a look at just one: how will you decide if it’s the right time and the right thing for you?
How do you decide?
It’s the thousand-dollar question and of course many couples don’t spend much time thinking about it all and just go for it, while others have an unplanned pregnancy and just decide to roll with it. However, it happens, once you’ve made the decision that you’re going to be a family, you’re in for quite a ride.
But if you’re not at that point yet and are trying to figure out if it’s right for you both. Here are some things you might want to consider.
Firstly, is it something you’ve ever talked about before? Did you know when you got together that you were both on board with having children, or is this something that has only just come up? If you have just introduced the idea, give your partner time to adjust to the notion and get their mind around the idea of becoming a parent.
If your partner has expressly said they don’t want to become a parent, it might take a little more discussion and soul searching to decide if this is something you should pursue together.
Are you a team?
What’s your relationship like in general? Are you a partnership, do you work together to overcome barriers in your relationship and can honestly say you communicate well together? If your relationship is rocky and somewhat volatile, one of the biggest mistakes people tend to make is assuming that having a baby will bring them closer together. It’s just not true and there will be plenty of times when you’ll feel more frustrated and isolated from your partner than even before.
Think long and hard how your relationship might take the knocks and the pressures of pregnancy and life with a small baby, who by their natures are going to leave you tired and wrung out at least for a while.
You will have to trust your partner to play an equal role in your care of the baby and trust them to help run the house, depending on your domestic set up. While the whole experience is amazing and life changing it’s certainly intense and requires a lot of faith in each other on both sides.
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Things will change
And you might be surprised that often it’s for the better. There’s no denying it that there is pressure on both parents after the birth and if your partner is loving and supportive before, they will no doubt continue to be so with the baby. The same is true of the opposite. No matter who you are, having a child is a steep learning curve and many times relationships don’t work out in the long run, leaving parents in the battle of winning child custody later down the line.
But very often the new role you see your partner taking can work to rekindle your love for them as you see them stepping up into parenting and enjoying the highs and getting through the lows by your side.
As a couple you will experience feelings and emotions that are unique to new parents and that will bond you for life.
It’s no easy decision that’s for sure and so much depends on how you both function as a couple and what your expectations are of becoming parents. You might also want to investigate how you plan on parenting, are you on the same page when it comes to discipline and education for example?
The key to taking this big step is talking, lots of talking and checking in how you both feel. Once you’re aligned then start doing your research, read plenty of blogs and talk to friends about what you might expect in pregnancy and what you’ll need your partner to do.
For many couples, pregnancy and having the baby is such a happy, joy-filled time and turns you from simply two people, into a family. If you’re both ready, both aligned and excited for a future with children, go for it. If it’s not for you, for now, then that’s just fine too