Going through a divorce may be one of the most traumatic experiences you can have. Realizing the one thing you thought would always be there suddenly isn’t as permanent anymore is a thought that can throw one’s entire life in a spin, and you may have a thousand different emotions running through you every second of the day. According to the American Psychological Association, the average divorce rate in the United States alone is about fifty percent, which is sad, to say the least. But, even though your marriage is coming to an end, there is still a beautiful life to be had after this. That said, here are three things to remember when going through a divorce.
1. Talk to the children
If you have kids, then this is probably a bit harder for you to come to terms with. Seeing your family get ripped in half is the opposite of what you’ve always had planned for yourself, and you may even wonder if you should talk to your kids at all. One of the first mistakes parents make when going through a divorce is keeping the children as far away from the situation as possible in their effort to protect them. For some reason, children always feel it’s their fault when their parents get a divorce, and this is a thought that should be cleared away as soon as possible. But, what few realize is that by keeping them out of the loop, they start to feel isolated and shunned in a way that they feel they are to blame.
Preparing Children for Divorce is much more beneficial to them and yourself than taking the alternative route. There’s no need to go into the gory details of exactly why and everything that’s happening step by step. Still, by explaining broadly some of the reasons for the divorce and what life will be like going forward, they’ll feel like they know what to expect and that they are still cared for in this challenging process. This can also be a time where you could ask them what they want to do, where they want to live, and if they would like to talk to anyone about what’s going on. Your children are much more observant than they may appear to be, and they may feel like they can’t express their feelings as they want to in fear of hurting your feelings – giving them the option to speak to a third party may help them immensely in the process of coping with their parent’s divorce.
2. You are important
Now that you won’t have someone else sharing life with you, it’s time to put yourself first for the first time in what seems like forever and start thinking about what’s good for you. Besides the kids, you are your number one priority right now, and you are also going through something difficult and frustrating, so it’s essential to check in on yourself and establish whether you’re doing okay or need help as well. Many women who’ve gone through a divorce have attested to feeling like they discovered who they are again, embarking on a journey of self-discovery and learning to love themselves again.
It may sound foolish at the beginning, but you can start getting into the habit of putting yourself first by spoiling yourself a bit – try a few beauty treatments, going on a small shopping spree, or even buying yourself one nice thing. Remember all those things you wanted to do for the past few years, but you never felt like it was the right time? Now is your chance! Go out there and start doing all the things you want to do – the point of this exercise is to realize that there is a life after divorce, and it’s much more beautiful than what you may think now.
3. Keep it civil
This may be the most challenging ask for many women, especially if the reason for your divorce is more on the nasty side than a mutual agreement. However, keeping the relationship between you and your partner civil for the sake of your children is of paramount importance. After all, they see much more than you might think and might find it hard seeing their parents hate each other all of a sudden. At the very least, keep conversations short and polite – nobody said you had to be friends again, so don’t feel obligated to forgive and forget from day one.
Divorce is never easy, but it’s not the end. But, by remembering these three things, you’ll not only be okay, but you’ll be as happy as ever.