A cultural universal is a human behavioral standard found across every culture on the planet, no matter where it may be. A desire to measure time, a desire to reduce issues to simple black-and-white binaries, a desire to make speeches to impress, valuing youth over old age and being effortlessly self-contradictory in thought and action, are all qualities universally observed. There’s one particularly interesting cultural universal that plays havoc with relationships everywhere — a feeling of extreme anxiety when approaching someone with romantic intent.
It’s inexplicable why it should be so, considering that every person on earth does love the idea of romance. Yet, approaching someone with a simple expression of liking can feel like one of the most difficult things to do. Being successful can be a huge confidence booster.
When it comes to success at love, it’s the ability to overcome this natural shyness or fear of rejection and ridicule that sets the romantically successful apart from the lonely.
It isn’t hard to overcome it. All you need is to take a simple step — willingly set yourself up for serious rejection a few times, experience whatever ridicule or defeat there is coming to you, and then see that it isn’t as bad as you thought. It can lay the groundwork for success in the future. Once you experience rejection, you will no longer feel so terrible risking it again. The fear of the unknown goes away. You’ll find yourself trying more freely, setting yourself up for success.
Through the process, you need to realize that women have it far easier than men. A woman or girl walking up with a friendly greeting is usually welcomed with delight. This is why there is no such thing as a pickup artist course for women. As a woman, you have a head start. You do need to practice a few things to improve your chances, however.
Just practice getting out a fun Hi
The best way to get a good introduction going is to not invest too much in it. You can make it much harder than it needs to be, thinking of everything that you have riding on the hello that you’re about to spit out. In the beginning, you want to forget about how the introduction might lead to bigger things. You only want to greet them, and move on. You’ll have the hardest part done with then. You can come back another time for a second go-around, and it will be easier.
You do want to practice your ability to say a casual hi, however. You need to come in with eye contact and infectious friendliness. You can practice it with all kinds of people before you try it out where it counts.
Never mind the pick-up lines
Pick-up lines are hard to pull off even if you have a wonderful, cool confidence about you. What you can do instead is to look for openings to make meaningful small talk. For instance, if there is a clear sign of sports team affiliation or love of a band (perhaps you see a name on a T-shirt), you can do some reading up, develop an interest in it, and then talk about it (it isn’t a good idea to fake it).
Asking questions is a great way to make small talk, as well, as long as you don’t come off as persistent. Think about areas where they might be competent — such as a car problem that you’re facing or a computer problem. It’s important to make your questions sound natural, however.
Once you begin a conversation that goes on for longer than a minute, you could begin to turn on the charm. Putting a hand on their arm in the middle of a laugh, smiling while making eye contact can all be fun and flirty. You should look for signs the guy is flirting or responding to what you’re doing.
Flirting doesn’t necessarily need to be done in person. If you feel ready for it, it could be through a message. The written word can be much better, because it gives you time to think about what you’re saying. Think of a way to work in areas that you know well, and make good jokes. Letting your intelligence shine is a wonderful way to flirt . It can be a tremendously attractive quality when you use your intelligence for fun, and wear your abilities lightly.
If you are not a natural with flirting or engaging people, you don’t want to try to home in as quickly as possible when you start. Give yourself time, and don’t worry about the romance angle. Show them how friendly and together you can be, and ease in your romantic interest in good time. It’ll probably work.
Emma Whitehead is a high school counselor. She enjoys writing about her experiences to help people live better lives. Look for her articles on many love and relationship websites.