The dating stage is associated with the feeling of butterflies in one’s stomach. If it’s true love, the butterflies fly away after a while. What comes instead is the feeling of comfort and coziness. This is what a committed relationship is about. Many novice couples think their married life will not differ much from their romantic dating period. Experienced couples will only laugh at this naivety. Guys behind the dating website that helps foreigners meet Russian girls decided to interview men and women that have been married for 10 and more years and find out all the truth about long-term relationships. Here are their findings.
Feelings move to another level. Have you ever noticed how calm and peaceful married couples are? They are not lovey-dovey. They know about each other’s feelings and don’t need to demonstrate it. It doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. Their feelings have matured and transformed from euphoria and obsession into real love.
Similar backgrounds are important. When you fall for someone, you don’t care about the social status of that person. This is simply because we tend to idealize our objects of love. Yes, people with different backgrounds can fall in love with each other (at least, we see a lot of examples in romantic films and fairytales). But their marriage will unlike be successful especially if they don’t want to accept their differences. If their decision to get married was too hasty and they didn’t get over the phase of romantic euphoria, they will discover their incompatibility soon and it might lead to a divorce.
Self-improvement is essential for both. Partners shouldn’t forget that even if they found the person who accepts them for who they are, it’s not an excuse to stop improving. They should also understand that although they live as a couple, they are still independent personalities with their own goals and interests. One partner shouldn’t prevent the other one from personal growth. Your spouse should see that you have your passions and you don’t stand still. If a husband isn’t interested in anything else except his job or if a wife focuses exclusively on her children, they become uninteresting for each other. Partners should have their own hobbies and they should support each other’s passions.
Your relationship shouldn’t limit your freedom. Living together as a couple doesn’t mean you can’t have time for yourself. A healthy relationship inspires both partners and gives room for personal development. You’re in a committed relationship but you’re free. If partners trust each other, they don’t feel the need to control each other. That is why a man is OK if his wife hangs out or goes shopping with her friends. And a woman doesn’t mind if her husband spends the whole day fishing or visits his family.
The similarity of temperaments is beneficial. They say opposites attract but psychologists say people whose characters and interests differ much will not be able to develop a harmonious relationship. For example, if one partner is calm and quiet and the other one is energetic and active, each of them will want to spend their leisure in their own way. Of course, compromise can do the trick but if the partners don’t want to make concessions, their relationship will not last long.
Sex is secondary. Don’t expect to have honeymoon-style sex after 5 and more years of marriage. It’s impossible to be as passionate as you were at the dawn of your relationship. The emotional connection between you gets stronger; you become more like friends and less like lovers. That’s a mature long-term relationship, baby.